A Rogerian Lens:
Exploring accountability in family violence change work with men
A discussion piece by Tori Cooke, Principal Consultant, Pandora Enterprise Projects
Accountability is a cornerstone in men’s family violence change work, particularly when addressing the complex choice to use violence and abuse in relationships. The journey for each client toward accountability is often complicated by deep-seated beliefs, defensive responses, and for some, a lack of emotional regulation. Rogerian theory, with its person-centred approach, can provide a valuable framework for assisting men to move forward into accountability and change practices in their family violence change journey.
Foundational concepts of Rogerian Theory: Person in context
Carl Rogers, the founder of person-centred therapy, emphasised that individuals have the capacity for self-understanding and can make positive changes in their lives when provided with the right environment.
The Rogerian approach is grounded in the belief that empathy, congruence (framed as genuine, observable and experienced actions associated with ‘doing what I say I do’), and unconditional positive regard in the professional relationship are essential conditions for creating an environment that has the potential to facilitate change in those using family violence.
In the context of men’s family violence change work, this theory can be especially powerful. Men who use violence or abuse often operate within a complex web of emotional, psychological, and societal influences. These influences shape how they perceive themselves and their actions. By using a person-centred approach, practitioners can help men understand their behaviour within the broader “person-in-context” framework—including the ecological environment—enabling them to reflect on their choices, motivations, and the impacts of their actions on others.
Accountability as a core element of change
Accountability involves more than just admitting wrongdoing. It requires a person to take ownership of their actions, understand the impact of those actions, and recognise the consequences on their partners, families, and communities. In men’s family violence change work interventions, one of the most significant challenges for practitioners is guiding men from deep denial, deflection, and minimisation of their behavioural patterns to a place of genuine accountability.
Rogerian theory emphasises the importance of self-actualisation—the process of realising and accepting one’s true self. Practitioners work all the time with reflective discussions and practical activities that take men on a difficult and transformative learning journey. For men to truly change, they must first acknowledge the harm they have caused and recognise their capacity to choose non-abusive and non-violent alternatives. Building a ‘self-reflection’ framework is critical to this process.
The journey towards accountability begins with what Mezirow describes as experiencing a ‘disorienting dilemma’ – the beginning realisation that the meanings each man has attributed to his thinking, his behaviours, his beliefs and lack of action to address his behaviour is fundamentally problematic. In family violence change work, the journey begins with profound discomfort and resistance.
Gender-Based Drivers and Male Entitlement
The role of gender-based drivers as a foundational influence cannot be ignored. The evidence continues to show that gender based drivers continue to be a powerful influence on male entitlement and contribute to the choice (justification) to use abuse and violence.
Patriarchal systems, cultural norms, and gender socialisation play significant roles in shaping how men perceive power and control in their relationships. These dynamics foster a sense of entitlement over women and marginalised groups, reinforcing violence and coercion when that entitlement is challenged.
Practitioners working with men using family violence must navigate these deeply embedded beliefs about gender and entitlement. Men may present with strong justifications for their behaviour, blaming their partners or external factors rather than taking responsibility for their attitudes, cognitive distortions, and lack of action in addressing impact of harm. These beliefs, steeped in cultural and gendered narratives, create serious barriers to accountability. As specialist men’s practitioners, our role is to challenge these narratives while maintaining a neutral, collaborative, and curious approach.
Navigating Non-Judgment in the Face of Client Judgments
A key challenge for men’s practitioners is maintaining Rogerian principles of empathy and unconditional positive regard when faced with men’s judgments and hostile views about their partners and others attempting to hold him accountable (including statutory systems).
When men express entitlement or blame others for their behaviours, it can be tempting to react defensively. However, responding with non-judgmental curiosity rather than anger or frustration is crucial to helping men unpack these beliefs.
We must balance creating a safe space for reflection while holding men accountable for their actions. This often involves exploring how gender-based drivers influence their attitudes and behaviours without colluding with those beliefs. By remaining non-judgmental and using action focused activities as well as modelling reflective and respectful behaviour, practitioners create an environment and situations where change work is the priority.
We cannot hold men accountable for their use of abuse and violence if we do not focus on creating an environment where change work engagement, program interventions and practices are central to enabling each man’s capacity to learn, engage with and act on the discomfort generated by authentic self-reflection.
A Person-Centred Approach to Accountability
By creating a space for empathy, non-judgment, and self reflection, practitioners can assist men in exploring their behaviour in non-threatening ways. Here are three key Rogerian principles that can assist practitioners to shape accountability:
Use of professional empathy:
Empathy allows men to feel understood without excusing their actions. When a practitioner listens deeply and responds empathetically, it encourages men to explore the emotions and triggers that contribute to their abusive behaviours. This exploration helps men recognise the disconnect between their values and actions, fostering accountability.
Modelling congruence:
Genuine engagement by the practitioner fosters trust and models honesty. When practitioners model congruence and are committed and persistent in boundary setting and boundary maintenance, when we remain focused on change work interventions and continually reconnect men to family violence change work as central to their interaction with us it counters resistance and mirrors back ethical and transparent behaviour.
Unconditional Positive Regard:
Whilst challenging in the context of knowing the extent and impact of each man’s abuse and violence, this concept means offering a belief in a man’s potential for change. By holding and expressing this belief, practitioners create a space where men can confront their behaviour without fear of being permanently labelled as “bad”. From assessment, case management and groupwork, being clear about naming each man’s potential and capacity for change offers an alternative perspective to not changing and remaining stuck in a pattern of violent supportive beliefs and behaviours.
Accountability Shaped by the “Person in Context”
Men who use violence are not inherently violent by nature. There are many influences and factors including past experiences, cultural norms, societal expectations, and for some, personal histories of trauma experienced in families, communities and workplaces.
A person-centred approach understands that accountability requires a deep examination of these contextual influences. It’s about helping men recognise how their environment has enabled their beliefs about masculinity, power, and control—and then guiding them toward non-violence.
The process of accountability is deeply intertwined with personal growth. For men engaged in change work, it is a shift from seeing themselves as victims of circumstances to taking responsibility for their actions . In this way, Rogerian theory offers a hopeful and transformative pathway for men to change.
The way forward
Incorporating Rogerian principles into family violence change work interventions offers an empathetic and effective way to shape accountability. By focusing on the “person in context” and using a person-centred approach we set the scene for assisting men to recognise the harm they’ve caused and develop the tools necessary for sustainable change work over their life span.
Accountability is not a destination but a continuous process. As men’s specialist practitioners, we must create spaces where men are enabled to notice, name and engage with their resistance as well as their vulnerabilities in order to take genuine responsibility for their actions. With empathy, congruence, and unconditional positive regard, we can foster an environment where real change—and authentic accountability—can take shape.
A discussion piece by Tori Cooke, Principal Consultant, Pandora Enterprise Projects
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